Monday, 4 June 2007

He's coming home!

Well after being dosed up on morphine and paracetemal all week my pain was deemed bearable enough for me to come home. I've been asked to score my pain on a 1 to 10 basis all week. I noticed its always 1-2 if I dont breathe, 2-4 if I breathe and between 5 and 8 if I move. I decided it best not to breathe.

The side effect of the morphine is that my bowels havent moved for a week, despite plenty of persuasion - all-bran, dried apricots, lactulose, Movicol, senna tablets and two enema's have failed to shift it. It's like trying to get rid of Freddy Shepherd at Newcastle!

I was told I could go home on Saturday but the lack of bowel movement and dizzyness caused by changing to different painkillers, as well as the excitement of watching the England match (not) was too much and I was ordered to stay in.

Finally, with the help of a rather large enema, the heavens opened this morning and I instantly lost 2 inches from mid-riff. That, together with a few pounds surgically removed from me last week shows that cancer is medically proven as a viable alternative to the Atkins Diet.

I'm coming home, looking fitter than when I went in!

1 comment:

Peter said...

What a pleasure it is to read about your bowel movements whilst eating my lunch! I bet you had chance to read the Sunday Times from back to front.